There is a month left before flying to Korea. People have asked me if I’m excited. I have just bought the plane ticket, and I’m not feeling particularly excited. Perhaps I haven’t had time to really process it. But for now, I just want to do… nothing. I just want a few days where I can just be by myself and have nothing on the to-do list. I just feel really tired. Perhaps I’m occupied with too many thoughts of things I cannot control, with too little mindspace left for the things that I can actually control.
Seeing my friends moving on in life has left me with a little soul-searching this week. Most of them have entered exciting dev jobs. I have been feeling the itch to code up something lately and I guess me reading a couple of O’Reilly books is a symptom of my restlessness. Is going to Korea something that I can justify to myself? It doesn’t help that I can almost sense the great opportunities all around me that I am forgoing.
The problem is that now the schism between the secular life and the faith life is now clearer. I have decided to offer the time immediately after my graduation to a missionary service during the semester. But now I am beginning to hesitate. But I have already made the commitment and I will see it through to the end. I will sacrifice my first 6 months as a graduate to be a learner in Korea. To come back to my roots, to become a disciple of Christ. Perhaps I am counting the cost and only the cost these few days. I have to start thinking of the gains of living in Korea for 6 months…
In the meantime, here is a nice picture of a cat: 